Saying goodbye to Grandma Matthews

It is with a heavy heart that I say goodbye to Grandma Matthews. My heart is swollen with memories of her spunk and zest for life. She represented, to me, a symbol of a family that I longed for. Because of this special woman, I value what it means to love unconditionally and to stand by each other through the good times and the bad, never giving up on the special bond that holds together a lifelong encasement of support, friendship, advice, and the warm and cozy feeling of family. My tears are bittersweet at this time of loss. I weep in sadness for a bold, confident lady who endured the tough life of raising 4 children while Granddaddy was away fighting for our freedom. I hold great sorrow for a family left behind that reaped the benefits of her stoic, exemplary footprints of motherhood forever ingrained in my memory. However, I’m happy that she has left this earth in peace and the comfort of knowing that she raised her children to lead happy, successful lives who, in turn, gifted others by having10 grandchildren and 19 great-grandchildren. As these two sided tears slide down my cheek I wipe them away knowing that we have all benefited from her life and although she physically will not accompany us she will always be a reminding shadow in my life and an echo in heart.

An answered prayer

No matter how much of a planner you are, it is just not possible to predict what life has in store. The proof is in the weather. Right now there are snow flurries falling wistfully as if it's normal for this to be happening in April. Half of my family is in Florida and standing in line at Universal Studios. This was also unplanned. I have learned you can depend on one thing - change is a part of life and we have no control over it. Maybe the small things, like what am I going to eat for lunch or what outfit am I wearing to work the next day, but when life shifts and throws you a curve ball it usually is a part of the big plan. Good does come from out of the ordinary circumstances and in some way seems to be just what the doctor ordered. Unfortunately, it sometimes takes suffering and pain, endured by others, to bring about a change that would be otherwise left unattended. So, maybe I hadn't planned on wearing my winter coat anymore this year, and I surely hadn't intended on spending several days without my husband and eldest son, but like these beautiful and unique flurries, a reminder is made about a force at work. This force is bigger and stronger than you and me. Prayers really do get answered.

How do you deal with disappointment?

The biggest disappointment, for me, always involves my children. If it happens to me, personally, I am able to deal with the situation at hand more easily and set aside my differences. But, that's not the particular item that I'm struggling with. I have been tossing around the way I react to disappointment. I find that I react quickly and do not take a breath before my emotions get a hold of me and literally leave my easy going spirit in the dust. Almost always it is sport related. I am competitive. I am immersed in sports. I am very passionate about both. This can be a bad combination and the outbursts of emotion have reared its ugly little head on more than one occasion. Typically, I'm a quiet person, especially in public or in large groups of people. But, when I get mad or am denied a particular desire while in the heat of the moment, I just snap. I don't care who is there, where I am, or how loud or ridiculous I sound. It's like another person takes over. I'm no longer cognitively in control over what my lips spew and to who. It's quite like an out of body experience. One way I deal with adversity is to write it out, kinda like what I'm doing right now. This does seem to ease the tension quite a bit, but there are many times when the tapping of a keyboard or pen and paper are not readily available to allow the steam escape my molten anger from inside. I am consciously making an effort to take deep breaths and not let things rattle me. It's a tall order for me, but I believe worth the effort. How do you deal with disappointment?

Humanity

People who have compassion are few and far between. But, when you do stumble across a truly caring person, it's actually shocking. The reason it is shocking is because most people have a hidden agenda. When a person is compelled to do a favor or truly care, without any expectations, I still find it hard to grasp and compute into my little brain. It does exist. I have experienced it and I do find it bewildering. Isn't that sad? I'm bothered that I feel that way. Time has a way of teaching us and a way of showing humanity's true colors. So, as a whole, we as humans tend to believe the worst in people. I habitually give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Time, however, against my will, is teaching me that it may be a waste of time and effort. I don't want to throw the towel in, but I sure do need some quick instances that will change my mind. Hurry, because we're running out of time!