I felt compelled to write a post on the subject of religion. I frequent a blog that is so deep, spiritual and thought provoking that I just had to comment. If you're in the mood for soul searching, digging deeper into your spiritual self or have questions on your current religious state then I would recommend this blog to you.
While I'm no religious fanatic, I do believe in God. My level of understanding is at a novice level. I do pray, try to live my life according to God, but I do admit that I don't read the bible or attend church any longer. When I did attend church, I felt out of place. I felt like I had to live up to the expectations of the other Christians in attendance. It felt like I was putting on airs; the facade of a Christian wanna be and I felt unnatural and full of betrayal, to myself. This point alone made me question what I was doing. Was I doing this for God? Was I doing this to please others? Or to please myself.
While no church is perfect - humans after all are present - I still couldn't get past the feeling of hypocrisy. I felt like I was living two lives. The life of a person that wanted to be the godly christian woman and then the fun loving, carefree, person who lived life on the edge. Somehow the two just didn't intermingle into the one true existence of ME. I've come to the realization that I have to be happy and do what makes me feel right and if that means not attending church than It doesn't make me a bad person. I can pray, and live life in a godly way without putting on a show for others. I can obtain my own interpretation of the bible (I need to read it) and I can pass on what little knowledge I do have to my children.
In no way do I mean any disrespect to those that do attend Sunday services. I'm thankful for their comfort and peace with church. I believe my husband shares this point of view and we both have a sense of righteousness in living our lives the best way we know how.
I'm through feeling guilty.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Religion
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3 comments:
Alisha - I loved your thoughts. I am so glad you like my friend Tammy - she is a mess, and she is amazing.
She lives close to me if you can believe that - Texas close which means within 2 hours.
I have found that you can be a devout Christian and still be that fun loving person - but we had to come out of the church to learn that. The people we went to church with often made it so hard to really live for God and love hard and passionately. It is a sad statement to find people more loving to one another outside the church.
But don't give up - maybe God will draw you back to church one day. Whatever it is - be open to His leading.
WOW!!
I am so honored, I hardly know what to say. Except, I guess, now the pressure's on. I only hope I can continue to be so thought provoking, but really I'm just trying to sort things out for myself.
I really loved this post of yours, and if you can believe it, it's not for the wonderful plug you gave my blog! I love it, because I could feel your heart. Nothing beats writing from the heart! Hope to see more of it!
And you know, I don't blame you one bit for not liking "church". It sounds like you are one of the few that lives too honestly to be willing to play religious masquerades, and that's absolutely to be applauded!! If only everyone could skip getting sucked into that game playing!
So you are my aunt. Hi! Thank you for commenting on my blog awhile back.
How are you?
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